How to change your life...maybe.

I haven't a clue what I am doing...but after years of doing everything but (all in the name of being a responsible adult)... I have decided to pursue the things that feel natural to me. I have made a commitment to myself to stop pouring all my energy (what little I have these days) into the things that I dislike and really am not any good at anyways and start channeling it towards more selfish, enjoyable pursuits. Creating beautiful things, be it art or a piece of jewelry, is one of those pursuits.

I have spent the better part of my adult life trying to be what I thought I should be...a responsible, efficient, organized wife, mother, member of society and tricking everyone into believing I am pretty good at it...everyone but possibly my mother in law...she might have realized I'm a fraud. In truth, I am a fairly disorganized, creative but unfocused and often overwhelmed individual who likes to daydream and imagine all the possibilities open to me that I very seldom act on either because of a lack of confidence or fear or because I was just plain old too tired after prioritizing everything else first. I am trying to change that now.

A wise person (my sister) once told me that I have poor boundaries (she said "non existent") and that I didn't know how to say No. Hindsight being what it is...I now know she was correct. I am a peace keeper, a people pleaser and that means I can be talked into all sorts of things I don't really want to do...and having someone else rely on me means the things I don't really want to do always manage to make it to the top of my priority list while all my own self pleasing pursuits move down to the bottom of that list. I know you know what I am talking about! So, without actually neglecting anyone, I am going to change my life by creating my boundaries and learning the word No (albeit probably with the phrase 'I am so sorry' attached because...well, I am Canadian after all and I have an hugely over inflated sense of guilt I must also learn to control). Wish me luck! :)